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PBA 053a
Valerian helps her take her bloody armor off. Seems pretty preoccupied, though. 8:09:32 PM Wynn: Are you ok? You've had a rough day. Getting chomped on and falling from a cliff and all. 8:09:53 PM Valerian: I'm not, but it's... nothing to do with that. Or even anything that happened. 8:09:57 PM Valerian: Sort of. 8:11:12 PM Wynn: Sit. Take your time. 8:12:12 PM Valerian: Valerian sits. 8:12:51 PM Valerian: ... I have to tell you something, and you're probably going to be angry with me, but you have to promise me to hear me out. 8:13:40 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns. 8:15:38 PM Valerian: Please. 8:16:20 PM Wynn: ...how angry? 8:17:29 PM Valerian: I ... I'm not sure. It depends on whether you believe me or not. If you think I'm lying or have lied, very angry. ... and you'd be right to be. If I lied. But I really haven't. 8:19:56 PM Wynn: I'll try, but I don't make promises. 8:20:17 PM Wynn: ((Thought it was Val she said that to before, but it was Janis. Had to check for continuity!)) 8:20:53 PM Valerian: That's fair. 8:21:51 PM Valerian: ... I asked about fixing it, and it turns out, it can't be fixed. That's the problem. It's not something I can hide until it goes away. 8:24:18 PM Wynn: ...I'm not following. Just... say what you need to say. 8:24:33 PM Wynn: Wynn occupies her hands by starting to wipe her armor clean. 8:24:52 PM Valerian: Valerian helps by handing her whatever she needs next at any given time. 8:26:20 PM Valerian: I ... have a lot of feelings for you, which... you know, I'm trying to find a good way to say this and there just isn't one. So I'll just say it. I'm sick. 8:27:05 PM Wynn: Sick? Why would that make me angry? 8:27:17 PM Valerian: Because I haven't explained how yet. 8:28:04 PM Valerian: Just ... I didn't lie to you, all right? I left some... really important things out, but I didn't lie. 8:28:36 PM Valerian: There's something terribly, terribly wrong with my head. Basically, I'm crazy. 8:29:10 PM Valerian: ... people have said that often enough and at this point I'm pretty sure it's true. 8:29:36 PM Wynn: Wynn looks confused. 8:29:38 PM Valerian: And I tried to explain it before, but I wasn't clear enough and I just let you get the wrong impression about it. 8:29:45 PM Valerian: I just let you. 8:30:26 PM Wynn: ...is this... about when you said you become other people? 8:31:39 PM Valerian: Yes. 8:33:01 PM Valerian: But it's all true, too. That's the thing, it is true. My parents wanted to get a healer, and maybe back then it would've worked. But now it's too late. 8:33:39 PM Valerian: I don't know who you all saw when you died, but I met Olidammara and, well, you know me. I couldn't not try for more. 8:35:42 PM Valerian: And he fixed it, and for a minute everything was quiet and then everything was so much worse. A bookshelf fell on me once when I was little and I couldn't get it off of me, and it was an hour before... I couldn't breathe. 8:35:45 PM Valerian: It was like that. 8:36:09 PM Valerian: Fixing it made it worse. 8:36:28 PM Wynn: Why? 8:36:38 PM Wynn: Or... how, I suppose. 8:37:05 PM Valerian: I don't know. If I knew I could probably fix it--really fix it--myself. If I could I would. 8:37:36 PM Wynn: So it's not fixed? 8:37:41 PM Wynn: Wynn is very confused now. 8:38:06 PM Valerian: No. No, it is definitely not fixed. He showed me what it would be like if it was fixed, and it was worse, and then he took it back. Lucky for me. 8:38:55 PM Valerian: So there you go. I'm crazy and it's incurable, apparently. 8:39:33 PM Wynn: Why is it worse? 8:40:00 PM Valerian: Well, it's not now. It's the same as it always is. 8:41:02 PM Valerian: But with knowing it can't be fixed, and knowing what the Oracle said, I knew I had to tell you. You know, just because I'm good at deceiving people doesn't mean I like doing it. Even just leaving things out. It's not right. 8:41:51 PM Valerian: Not when it's your friends or people you care about. 8:43:10 PM Wynn: Is... that it? You thought I'd be angry for something that you told me the first night we talked? And that I wouldn't want to help you? 8:44:57 PM Valerian: Yes, but... no, it's not it either, you haven't... look, I know I'm crazy, I'm not so far gone as all that. 8:45:58 PM Valerian: I need to explain this better. 8:46:07 PM Wynn: Please. 8:46:11 PM Valerian: Valerian takes a deep breath, holds it in for a second or two and then exhales. 8:46:32 PM Valerian: Right. Pulling myself together. Which is hilarious in itself. 8:47:04 PM Valerian: My parents can't have children. 8:48:00 PM Valerian: For their own reasons--and I never got a straight answer on why this was, by the way, so I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to--they ... 8:49:00 PM Valerian: ... I almost said "went out and bought a baby," because that's how they explained it to me when I was little. 8:49:20 PM Valerian: It took a while before I stopped begging to go to the baby store after that. 8:49:24 PM Wynn: Wynn raises an eyebrow. 8:50:07 PM Valerian: I was ... five, I think at that point? Four? I'm not sure. 8:50:25 PM Valerian: Well, they adopted me. 8:51:10 PM Valerian: They've both got elven blood. Mother about half human, father a bit more than that. 8:52:24 PM Valerian: Both of them are more or less half-elf, half human. 8:52:57 PM Wynn: Wynn nods. 8:53:16 PM Valerian: I'm... well, I'm not. 8:53:42 PM Valerian: I was half panicking back there in that hallway because I didn't know what my door would look like. 8:54:37 PM Wynn: ...ok. 8:54:53 PM Valerian: ... I'm still not a slug monster, though. 8:55:11 PM Valerian: And I'm not one of those... blue raspberry jam shapeshifter things that's coming after us all the time. 8:57:05 PM Wynn: Wynn reaches over and takes one of his hands. "You wouldn't be here now if you didn't want to tell, so tell me." 8:58:48 PM Valerian: ... you're going to be so upset, Wynn. 8:59:36 PM Valerian: I'm a changeling. 8:59:41 PM Valerian: I am a shapeshifter. 8:59:47 PM Valerian: ... just not one of those. 9:00:07 PM Valerian: Changelings are people, not donut filling. 9:00:17 PM Valerian: I have bones and stuff. 9:00:59 PM Valerian: When you kill me I don't dissolve into goo, as you no doubt noticed today. 9:01:05 PM Wynn: ...is this the part that's supposed to make me angry? Because... I'm starting to worry that you think I'm some burning ball of fury waiting to explode. 9:01:21 PM Wynn: ...which I might be, sometimes, to be fair. 9:01:50 PM Valerian: No. No, that's.... this part. 9:02:11 PM Valerian: The problem isn't that I'm a shapeshifter, or that I'm crazy. The problem is that I'm a crazy shapeshifter. 9:03:11 PM Wynn: Wynn just blinks. 9:04:36 PM Valerian: When I said I become different people depending on what the situation requires, I meant that I become different people. Depending on what the situation requires. 9:06:03 PM Wynn: You can't control it? 9:07:52 PM Valerian: I can, but it's like... sitting in one position. At first it's comfortable, but then after a while it's not, and if you're forced to stay that way it just gets more and more uncomfortable until you can't stand it. 9:08:27 PM Valerian: I can't be just this, all the time. 9:10:26 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns a little. "This... isn't really you and you think I'll be mad about who you really are?" 9:11:01 PM Valerian: No, this is me. 9:11:11 PM Valerian: But it's only part of me. 9:11:31 PM Valerian: That's the thing, I didn't lie, but I left out some kind of really important details. And it's been awful. 9:14:26 PM Wynn: ...you realize this would be much easier if you'd just... say it. 9:15:30 PM Valerian: I'm a bunch of different people and they all have feelings for you and I'm crazy and crazy about you. 9:17:11 PM Wynn: How can I help? 9:17:31 PM Valerian: ... no, you don't... 9:17:39 PM Valerian: Look, you don't even like me. Not really. 9:18:11 PM Valerian: You like about... a quarter of me. Maybe half. ... maybe. 9:18:57 PM Wynn: Let me see if I have it straight, and then you can tell me what I'm missing. Ok? 9:19:05 PM Valerian: Right. 9:20:15 PM Wynn: Ok. You're a changeling. Not the only one on Nation. Not the only one I've met. ...I may have been a bit aggressive with her when we met, but... I've learned since then. You are a bunch of different people, and I've only met one? Right? 9:20:53 PM Valerian: ... I'm a bunch of different people. And you've met all of them. 9:20:57 PM Valerian: All of us. 9:21:02 PM Wynn: I have? 9:21:13 PM Valerian: Yes. 9:22:40 PM Valerian: Valerian hugs his knees to his chest. 9:25:47 PM Wynn: ...ok. I've apparently met all of you. You have to switch between them to... keep yourself stable? And you wouldn't want to fix it if you could because it's somehow worse. 9:26:23 PM Valerian: It was awful. He split me up into my component... selves... and then we all got to feel what it was like to be that way. 9:27:08 PM Valerian: Like being crushed by a bookcase. We could hardly breathe. 9:27:44 PM Wynn: ...because you weren't "whole" or something else? 9:27:45 PM Valerian: I switch between them to be who I need to be for... whatever situation or challenge exists. 9:29:33 PM Valerian: Yes, I think so. 9:30:50 PM Wynn: I'm sorry. I'm apparently not understanding something because you made such a big deal out of me being angry... and all I know is that you... Valerian... are a good person and if you're sick, you can't help that. 9:31:35 PM Valerian: ... Look, I'll just show you, all right? 9:32:21 PM Valerian: It's not... it's not comfortable. It's uncomfortable, because right now I need to be Val. But it's about time they took some responsibility. 9:33:24 PM Wynn: Wynn nods. 9:34:10 PM Valerian: Valerian puts his feet on the ground and fairly abruptly turns into Day. 9:34:44 PM Valerian: Day: He should have let me try to explain, honestly. Sometimes diplomacy isn't the best method. 9:36:00 PM Wynn: Wynn closes her eyes and puts a finger up. "Give me just a second." 9:36:18 PM Valerian: Day: Of course. 9:36:58 PM Wynn: So... are you aware of each other? Like... you know what we've been saying all this time? You have each others' memories? 9:37:27 PM Valerian: Day: Yes. But we don't all... react quite the same way to everything. 9:37:55 PM Wynn: What would you have done? 9:38:28 PM Valerian: Day: I'd've just said it straight out. He hates people thinking he's crazy, that's the real problem. 9:39:06 PM *** Group call *** 9:39:15 PM Wynn: You... talk about... each other like you're different people. 9:39:20 PM Valerian: Day: It's not totally irrational, either. Plenty of people like us get locked up. 9:40:00 PM Valerian: Day: We are. 9:40:08 PM Valerian: Day: As much as we're one person, anyway. 9:40:46 PM Wynn: ..I suppose that would make it easier. I mean... I've done similar, but by choice. 9:41:50 PM Valerian: Day: Yeah. We don't always have a choice. It's been rough for the rest of us, he's needed to be Valerian most of the time lately. 9:43:02 PM Wynn: Why? 9:44:16 PM Valerian: Day: A lot of reasons. He fills a vital function on this ship, for one thing. If you don't need an interrogator, or someone to make the hard choices, you don't need me. And you don't. 9:44:45 PM Valerian: Day: ... that's interrogator, by the way, not torturer. People get those things mixed up sometimes, but I just ask questions and get people to trust me. That's it. 9:50:35 PM Wynn: Ok. 9:50:57 PM Valerian: Day: And then there's you. 9:51:06 PM Wynn: ...me. 9:53:24 PM Valerian: Day: Yeah. It's funny, sometimes we feel differently about things, and sometimes we feel the exact same way. One of us likes peanut butter; the others don't. One of us likes to use two pillows; the others don't. 9:58:37 PM Wynn: ....and you all like me? 9:59:56 PM Valerian: Day: Yeah. Some of us have a little more sense than others on the subject, that's all. 10:02:27 PM Wynn: ...ok. That's... kind of a lot to process, but... who else is in there? 10:03:47 PM Valerian: Valerian turns into Holly suddenly! 10:03:55 PM Valerian: Holly: Hi! 10:04:29 PM Wynn: Hi. 10:05:06 PM Valerian: Holly: Your armor is so cute! I should get something like that but it's way way way way way too heavy. 10:05:42 PM Valerian: Holly: And I'm not strong like you are! But that's okay, because you're here and you keep everybody safe. 10:06:21 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles a little. 10:07:07 PM Valerian: Holly: We do try to help. I don't get to help very much because uh, I'm not really very help*ful,* but that's okay, right? 10:07:41 PM Wynn: Of course. 10:08:10 PM Valerian: Holly: Sometimes I go and pick flowers with Talas. But she's not as pretty as you are. 10:08:40 PM Wynn: Wynn blushes. "Umm." 10:09:05 PM Valerian: Holly: And I don't really like the deer either. They're kind of mean. 10:12:50 PM Wynn: They don't usually bother me much. 10:13:49 PM Valerian: Holly: Next time we should go together! ... I mean, if you still like us after this. The others don't think you will and they're super super worried about it. 10:14:59 PM Wynn: Wynn nods. 10:15:31 PM Valerian: Holly: But I think it'll all be okay. 10:18:43 PM Wynn: Wynn looks like she's lost the ability to word at the moment. 10:18:51 PM Valerian: Holly: One way or another. 10:19:06 PM Valerian: Holly: You know, you shouldn't feel bad about it. It wasn't your fault. 10:19:33 PM Valerian: Holly: We should have said right away. It's just people don't usually understand, very well. 10:20:18 PM Wynn: I can see that. 10:23:40 PM Valerian: Holly: Well anyway, is there anything I can do to make you feel better? 10:24:32 PM Wynn: ...I don't think so. I'm just... trying to get my head around it all. 10:25:20 PM Valerian: Holly: It's okay. 10:25:26 PM Valerian: She pats Wynn on the shoulder. 10:25:37 PM Valerian: Holly: You're way stronger than you think. 10:27:05 PM Wynn: ...How many are there? 10:29:05 PM Valerian: Holly: Just four! 10:30:31 PM Wynn: Who is the fourth? 10:31:49 PM Valerian: Valerian turns into Quintilian, who immediately folds his arms. 10:31:58 PM Valerian: Quintilian: I told you I could handle myself in a fight. 10:32:27 PM Wynn: ...you did. 10:32:45 PM Valerian: Quintilian: And I can. 10:33:11 PM Valerian: Quintilian: Now you know why Val couldn't be on the council. It wouldn't be right to have us both there. It's a corruption of the process. 10:33:32 PM Wynn: Wynn nods. 10:35:42 PM Wynn: Wynn takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. 10:35:58 PM Valerian: Quintilian: I'm the last one. That's all of us that are in here. That we know about. 10:36:50 PM Wynn: ....who do you want to be right now? 10:37:26 PM Valerian: Quintilian: One person. Any one person. 10:38:35 PM Wynn: I meant you-- Valerian said it was uncomfortable to be someone other than.... 10:40:26 PM Valerian: Quintilian: Oh. ... well. He's the diplomatic one, he'd be more likely to get this conversation the way we'd like it to end. But Holly seemed to be better at making you feel better. 10:40:40 PM Wynn: I want you to be comfortable. 10:42:03 PM Valerian: Quintilian: Well, you're outvoted. ... but you're most comfortable with Val anyway. 10:42:09 PM Valerian: Valerian turns into Val! 10:43:39 PM Wynn: Wynn looks at him. 10:45:20 PM Wynn: Are you ok? 10:46:40 PM Valerian: ... I don't know. I think so. It was really upsetting when he split me up like that. It... never occurred to me it would feel like that, being really separate. Gods I hope that's not how normal people feel all the time. 10:48:00 PM Wynn: If you've been like this for a long time, it could just be that you're used to it... and losing it would feel like losing a piece of yourself. It would be losing a piece of yourself. 10:49:48 PM Valerian: Yeah. It was. 10:49:59 PM Wynn: Is that everything I need to know then? 10:50:21 PM Valerian: Everything I can think of. 10:50:42 PM Valerian: My real name is impossibly long, but it does start with Valerian. 10:50:49 PM Wynn: Then I'll ask again. How can I help? 10:51:17 PM Valerian: And it has Hollister, Daystorm and Quintilian in it. Also Thornwood and a lot of other crap, they like to start naming you at 6 a.m. and just go on until noon when they run out of ideas. 10:51:32 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles. 10:51:36 PM Valerian: ... well, you didn't run away screaming, so, there's that. 10:52:18 PM Wynn: Why were you so afraid? 10:52:39 PM Valerian: Because I'm literally a crazy person and generally people... don't react well to that. 10:53:07 PM Valerian: My parents never actually tried to fix me, but, well. Now you know why the engagements got broken off. 10:53:45 PM Wynn: How long have you had them? 10:55:05 PM Valerian: I've always been, but ... Holly came pretty early on too. 10:55:46 PM Valerian: For a while it was just us and then Quintilian when we got old enough to find a little bit out about how the world works. 10:56:10 PM Valerian: Day was much later when we had to get some military experience. 10:56:37 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns a bit. 10:57:46 PM Wynn: When I first met Day, his aura flickered. 10:59:24 PM Valerian: If we have to do something ethically questionable he's usually the one who does it. I don't think he's that bad, though, is he? Nobody's doing anything to cover any darkness or anything, so... you'd know. 11:01:02 PM Wynn: ...There are just so many questions. 11:01:37 PM Wynn: I guess the one important one is this, though. Are you planning on telling everyone else or is this just between us? 11:02:12 PM Valerian: I have to tell them. 11:02:18 PM Valerian: It's not curable. 11:02:48 PM Wynn: Maybe it's just who you are. There are weirder things. 11:03:25 PM Valerian: I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 11:04:12 PM Wynn: I'm sorry. 11:07:08 PM Valerian: No, it's just.... that's nice to hear, that's all. 11:07:48 PM Wynn: Are you done worrying about me being angry now? 11:08:46 PM Valerian: ... yeah, I think so. 11:09:51 PM Canto: ((I wouldl ike to point out that Wynn has a new power called Smite Valerian.)) 11:10:08 PM Wynn: :D 11:10:48 PM Wynn: ...it's going to take some time to get used to this, you know... but I'll do what I can to help you. 11:12:39 PM Valerian: Thank you. 11:12:56 PM Valerian: We just... desperately didn't want you to be disappointed. 11:13:09 PM Wynn: Disappointed? 11:14:50 PM Valerian: Because we didn't tell you the truth. 11:14:58 PM Valerian: ... all of it. 11:15:06 PM Wynn: I understand why. 11:15:28 PM Wynn: And I appreciate that you were willing to tell me. 11:17:12 PM Valerian: I had to. 11:18:13 PM Wynn: ...was it Quintilian you were worried about? 11:18:34 PM Valerian: You... didn't seem to like him much. 11:18:42 PM Valerian: And he's not exactly Mr. Tact. 11:20:13 PM Wynn: I didn't have much incentive to try either. Same for Holly. I tend to make snap judgments about people. It seems I'm not very good at them. 11:20:38 PM Wynn: I'm sorry that I hurt you. Any of you. 11:21:34 PM Valerian: It's okay. You couldn't know. 11:26:39 PM Wynn: ... I do really like you too. I probably shouldn't, but there it is. 11:27:58 PM Valerian: ... even with the crazy? 11:28:16 PM Canto: ((Wynn should teach him what she learned from Kord. PUNCH)) 11:31:17 PM Wynn: Um... ok, so for future reference, you know I won't lie. I'll answer any question you ask me, just... know that you'll get an honest answer. So if you don't want the answer, don't ask. That said, I was referring to you, Valerian. I... I'm going to need time to process the rest of it. 11:32:04 PM Wynn: I won't hold it against you, but I can't guarantee that it won't change... "us". 11:32:27 PM Valerian: No, that's totally fair. 11:33:25 PM Valerian: Valerian offers his hand to Wynn to shake. 11:33:41 PM Valerian: Deal. 11:34:11 PM Wynn: Wynn takes his hand, but pulls him up into a hug. (Daww) 11:34:22 PM Canto: ((10d6 NEgative energy damage!)) 11:34:24 PM Valerian: Valerian hugs her back.